Dear Miss Behaved:

I over heard our receptionist say that her job wasn’t the only thing in her life: "I am a wife and mother first". Her comment confused me because I didn’t realize that being a wife was actually a job. I know that being a mother is a full time job, and I know that being the second wife is a job, what with recovering from surgical enhancements, spa visits and shopping sprees and all. But when did acquiring a husband mean a woman has acquired yet another full time job? This idea depresses me since I was considering getting a husband for myself, but not if he means more work. When did they gain the status of full time job for another person?

Signed,

Worried

Dear Worried:
Miss Behaved women everywhere were quite relieved to hear you ask this question out loud. It bears new consideration since there is a generation of women who do not remember that popular TV shows featured a witch and a genie kept in a bottle only to emerge at her master’s bidding, and that for a few years, getting married was considered a career choice.

During the second wave of uprisings for women’s rights, Gloria Steinem wrote a wonderfully Miss Behaved article on how she too would like to have a wife. But Ms Steinem stuck only to the basic jobs of a wife without the Miss Behaved expansion that is the norm on these pages.

So in response to our young Miss Behaved friend’s perplexity, we thought of what it would be like not to have just a wife, and certainly not to be the wife, but to be some one’s full time job. Wouldn’t it be nice to acquire the ultimate Miss Behaved partner who not only would perform the following tasks, but would do it for little more than a pat on the head and free room and board (just like old-fashion people claimed women worked for).

The ultimate partner for the Miss Behaved woman
Has a cell phone so as to always be on call to listen to complaints about job stress and how easy they have it being home full time.

Is ready to come to lunch or to create lunch or dinner for clients at a moment’s notice.
Cleans the toilets and not expect great kudos for the efforts.

Times the dinner so it will be ready exactly when the Miss Behaved woman is ready to eat.
Is a gourmet cook specializing in low fat tasty dinners that are so good the Miss Behaved woman can barely tell that the meal is low fat and good for her. (Because Miss Behaved eaters can always tell if someone is trying to slip them something of nutritional value.)
Knows everything there is to know about wine and food pairings, carries maps of local wineries in the car just in case a spontaneous wine tasting is needed.

Hunts down bargains. Spend days finding the perfect DKNY blouse at 50% off. Scour the outlet malls for a set of 350 count Egyptian cotton sheets for under $200. Discover the perfect little store in Italy, on line, that delivers in three days the double cold press virgin oil for dipping the recently made bread.
Has taken enough classes in decorating so as to have perfect taste and can argue convincingly with the Miss Behaved partner that cerise on the living room wall is not a bad thing and who got an A in the decorating class anyway?

Happens to be a certified masseuse and personal trainer. Also motivates the Miss Behaved woman to work out more and is knowledgeable in all sports so there is always a second to play doubles. Works out at the nearby gym so as to get many admiring looks which will spur the Miss Behaved partner to greater achievement and envious muscle development

That the Miss Behaved partner has admirable stamina goes without saying.

Belongs to three book clubs and represent the Miss Behaved partner’s opinions if she can’t make the meeting because she’s really slumming and watching Nash Bridges on TV but loathes to admit it, the partner will cover.
Is able to convey very good gossip in a very entertaining manner strictly for the Miss Behaved partner’s amusement of course. Nothing personal.

Never speaks of the Miss Behaved relationship in less than glowing, hearts and flowers kind of terms. Relishes that others are jealous of the soul mate the partner has discovered.
Leaves thoughtful gifts in blue Tiffany boxes at the breakfast table next to the freshly baked muffins and Kona coffee on a monthly basis.

Grows and delivers the babies so the Miss Behaved stomach doesn’t get all stretched and baggy.

Has excellent parents who are not annoying and live in another state and can afford to fly to where ever the Miss Behaved family happens to be for holidays and they don’t mind the wait at the airport. during the high season.
Knows excellent babysitters to take the children so the Miss Behaved woman and her partner can spend a romantic weekend away.

Knows someone who knows someone who can get reservations at French Laundry for next October 12th.

Knows about gardening so that all vegetables and tomatoes are fresh from the garden and knows enough not to plant zucchini.
Knows about landscaping so can be in charge of trouble shooting should a leak in the drip system cause a large fountain to squirt out from the center of the lawn.
Mows the lawn on a regular basis without being asked

Always takes out the garbage without complaining.

Loves movies where the characters endlessly discuss theirs and everyone else’s relationships.
Is willing to pay good money to see a movie where they don’t.

Does not "work on the car."

The follow up question is, did Ms. Steinman marry a husband or a wife? And does he ride a bike?